“We have been talking about this for a long time,” said Reggie Fils-Aime, the president of Nintendo of America. “But it wasn’t until recently that we decided to finally do it.”
On April 1st, Nintendo will be releasing their next console, the Nintendo WAY. The first virtual reality console ever created.
“It’s kind of like the Matrix, only with more that just one game,” said Shigeru Miyamoto, the Nintendo genius behind Mario and the Legend of Zelda. “Personally, I’m excited about actually being to play as Mario, who is my personal hero and adopted son.”
The console will feature a wireless port that will plug into an implant in the back of a person’s head. Nintendo said that local doctors and nurses would be able to easily place the implant into the gamers.
“Any doctor or nurse will be able to easily place these devices into our slaves, I mean our customers’ neck,” said Fils-Aime.
While plugged into the game players will be able to play directly as the character in the game. They will live the character’s life, put words into their mouths, move their arms and legs, and even feel their pain if they wish to turn that option on.
One thing that Nintendo is offering is a free online world that players can get onto and communicate with other people. They will make their own personal MY WAY, an avatar that can look like whatever they want it to, and then they will jump straight into the virtual plaza and be able to communicate with other people in any way they want.
Nintendo said that there would be virtual guards placed called AGENTS that will keep any conflict from happening by kicking out unruly players. On a side note, there will also be a virtual dump where Nintendo will be dumping and destroying any trash that tries to make it onto the server.
The Nintendo WAY came as a complete surprise to everyone, nobody expected this turn of events. A console that was completely unheard of is being instantly released. Nintendo has always tried to be secretive, and they actually succeeded this time. Look for the new console on April 1st.
Reader’s note: This story is purely satirical and is a spoof specifically for April Fools’ Day.